#142: Nothing Wants to Suffer
Dear reader,
I hope you're doing okay. The news around the second wave of COVID-19 in India has been terrifying. I hope you're all staying safe, sanitising regularly and wearing your mask.
Speaking of masks, I've been feeling unlike my authentic self for so damn long that I had started to believe I was someone I'm not. I had stopped feeling whole within, always looking for externalised means to self-soothing that were not serving me.
I'm now finally working on changing my relationship with myself. And a big part of this journey has been reading How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self by Dr. Nicole LaPera aka @the.holistic.psychologist. Reading the book was an intense time of self discovery and confrontation, with vigorous note taking and far too many breakdowns. While the part of me that has always been intrigued by human nature and psychology was fascinated with the book’s findings, another part of me - my inner child - had to come to terms with a lot of hard truths, and make peace with how much work I have ahead of me. And boy, was that tough!
My two big takeaways from the book:
1. As human beings, we have a tendency to self-sabotage our lives and happiness instead of choosing to be kind.
2. Nobody wants to suffer.
I'm still processing much of what I read because a big part of the reading experience was fighting my own defence mechanisms. Still, I kept reminding myself of what I want - I want to be a better partner, friend, sister, daughter. I want to have a kinder, more self-assured relationship with myself. I want to not suffer.
In keeping with my current state of mind, I found myself reading verses on suffering and doing the work. If these get too intense, head over to the recommended listening and links of the day, which are much lighter in comparison.
1. Nothing Wants to Suffer by Danusha Laméris
after Linda Hogan
Nothing wants to suffer. Not the wind
as it scrapes itself against the cliff. Not the cliff
being eaten, slowly, by the sea. The earth does not want
to suffer the rough tread of those who do not notice it.
The trees do not want to suffer the axe, nor see
their sisters felled by root rot, mildew, rust.
The coyote in its den. The puma stalking its prey.
These, too, want ease and a tender animal in the mouth
to take their hunger. An offering, one hopes,
made quickly, and without much suffering.
The chair mourns an angry sitter. The lamp, a scalded moth.
A table, the weight of years of argument.
We know this, though we forget.
Not the shark nor the tiger, fanged as they are.
Nor the worm, content in its windowless world
of soil and stone. Not the stone, resting in its riverbed.
The riverbed, gazing up at the stars.
Least of all, the stars, ensconced in their canopy,
looking down at all of us— their offspring—
scattered so far beyond reach.
2. Someone Leans Near by Toni Morrison
Someone leans near
And sees the salt your eyes have shed.
You wait, longing to hear
Words of reason, love or play
To lash or lull you toward the hollow day.
Silence kneads your fear
Of crumbled star-ash sifting down
Clouding the rooms here, here.
You shore up your heart to run. To stay.
But no sign or design marks the narrow way.
Then on your skin a breath caresses
The salt your eyes have shed.
And you remember a call clear, so clear
“You will never die again.”
Once more you know
You will never die again.
3. Holding Pattern by Timothy Liu
Intermittent wet under
cloud cover, dry
where you are. All day
this rain without
you–so many planes
above the cloud line
carrying strangers
either closer or
farther away from
one another while
you and I remain
grounded. Are we
moving anyway
towards something
finer that what the day
might bring or is this
an illusion, a stay
against everything
unforeseen–tiny bottles
clinking as the carts
make their way down
the narrow aisle
no matter what
class we find ourselves
seated in, your voice
the captain’s voice
even if the masks
do not inflate
and there’s no one
here to help me
put mine on first–
my head cradled
between your knees.
4. May we raise children who love the unloved things by Nicolette Sowder
May we raise children
who love the unloved
things–the dandelion, the
worms and spiderlings.
Children who sense
the rose needs the thorn
& run into rainswept days
the same way they
turn towards sun…
And when they're grown &
someone has to speak for those
who have no voice
may they draw upon that
wilder bond, those days of
tending tender things
and be the ones.
5. Some More Light Verse by Wendy Cope
You have to try. You see the shrink.
You learn a lot. You read. You think.
You struggle to improve your looks.
You meet some men. You write some books.
You eat good food. You give up junk.
You do not smoke. You don’t get drunk.
You take up yoga, walk and swim.
And nothing works. The outlook’s grim.
You don’t know what to do. You cry.
You’re running out of things to try.
You blow your nose. You see the shrink.
You walk. You give up food and drink.
You fall in love. You make a plan.
You struggle to improve your man.
And nothing works. The outlooks grim.
You go to yoga, cry and swim.
You eat and drink. You give up looks.
You struggle to improve your books.
You cannot see the point. You sigh.
You do not smoke. You have to try.
Recommended Listening:
1. Birdsong ID (I've loved listening to this channel and learning to identify these wild, melodic chirpers)
2. I Wonder if I Care As Much - Everly Brothers (covered by Paul Simon and Edie Brickell)
3. Koshi Wind Chimes Healing Spring Meditation (My soundscape for tarot readings and meditation)
5. She Walks in Beauty - Marianne Faithfull with Warren Ellis
6. We Are Fine - Sharon van Etten
Links of the Week:
1. We asked the poetry community to tell us some fun poetry facts + all-time favorite poems (Go download these two Google docs now!)
2. Giant flipbook installed in Kanazawa allows public to mechanically operate an animation
3. The Big Draw Festival – the world’s biggest celebration of drawing
4. Pamela Colman-Smith, the Forgotten Female Artist Behind the World’s Most Popular Tarot Deck
5. Nina Simone: An Artist's Duty
6. Let's Talk Picture Books
7. How to Make Small Talk After We've Been Through... a Pandemic
8. Poets on Couches + Couch Potato Yoga with Jessamyn Stanely
9. 11-Year-Old Martin Scorsese's Storyboards For The Eternal City and Silence
10. "Hugging meditation is a practice of mindfulness. “Breathing in, I know my dear one is in my arms, alive. Breathing out, she is so precious to me.” If you breathe deeply like that, holding the person you love, the energy of your care and appreciation will penetrate into that person and she will be nourished and bloom like a flower."
-Thich Nhat Hanh on how to do Hugging Meditation
This is my newsletter: The Moody Marshmallow
The latest edition of This is my newsletter is by Sangeetha Menon of The Moody Marshmallow. She talks about sources of comfort in 2020, particularly writing, cooking and music she experienced during the lockdown.
Sangeetha recommends NaPoWriMo.net, Bound India, Champaca's book subscription, Black Velvet Naked Cake with a Dalgona coffee glaze and a whole lot of lovely music. Read the full newsletter here.
New on the website:
Poetry:
-3 poems by Pritika Rao
-Foreign Mother Tongue by Srishti Saharia
-Namakarana by Ajay Kumar Nair
-I know these houses by Indu Parvathi
Comic:
Gap Year by Manasvini (click here for the second panel)
Photography:
Alone, Together by Rema Chaudhary - a visual narrative by the artist of her experience when the world went into a complete lockdown. As a self-proclaimed recluse, the artist expresses her craving for human connection during this time which compelled her to connect with her ex and eventually transformed into a series of 300 screenshots based on their day-to-day lives in isolation.
I wish you a decluttered life full of joys and magic,
Rohini
If you'd like to support me on my journey with this newsletter and community, do consider contributing to Patreon / via UPI at thealiporepost@okhdfcbank :)
Was saving this for a rainy day & it was beautiful to read.
Hi! Absolutely loved the poetry collection in this newsletter!