#176: The End is Nigh

A year-end special edition

Dec 27, 2021

Greetings, dear readers!

I've been postponing this newsletter because wrapping up the year has been a slow, engaging process, and my laptop has been somewhere far behind in the background. This year has been quite brutal in terms of self awareness. Going to therapy has meant opening up all the wounds I had thought had healed, and knowing more about myself (including certain diagnoses) than I can digest. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, and am so, so grateful for the teeniest of wins along the way.

For someone who has always prided herself in being independent, I've come to realise how important it is to ask for help sometimes, how it’s okay to not have a 5-year-plan, and how much kinder I need to be in my self talk. I’m so so grateful for all the people I’ve chosen to have in my life, for improving my relationship with boundaries and vices, and for learning to voice my needs.

Diego Perez aka Yung Pueblo has helped beautifully set the intention for 2022. Can’t wait to follow through on at least this one:

Poetry Corner

While you reflect on the year that was and move swiftly into the new year, recharged, here’s some beautiful poems to end the year with:

Poem by Ryokan

Though frosts come down
night after night,
what does it matter?
they melt in the morning sun.
Though the snow falls
each passing year,
what does it matter?
with spring days it thaws.
Yet once let them settle
on a man's head,
fall and pile up,
go on piling up—
then the new year
may come and go,
but never you'll see them fade away

When This is Over by Laura Kelly Fanucci

When this is over,
may we never again
take for granted
A handshake with a stranger
Full shelves at the store
Conversations with neighbors
A crowded theater
Friday night out
The taste of communion
A routine checkup
The school rush each morning
Coffee with a friend
The stadium roaring
Each deep breath
A boring Tuesday
Life itself.

When this ends
may we find
that we have become
more like the people
we wanted to be
we were called to be
we hoped to be
and may we stay
that way — better
for each other
because of the worst.

I Have Decided by Mary Oliver

I have decided to find myself a home
in the mountains, somewhere high up
where one learns to live peacefully in
the cold and the silence. It’s said that
in such a place certain revelations may
be discovered. That what the spirit
reaches for may be eventually felt, if not
exactly understood. Slowly, no doubt. I’m
not talking about a vacation.
Of course at the same time I mean to
stay exactly where I am.
Are you following me?

Stages by Herman Hesse

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

Bounty by Robyn Sarah

Make much of something small.
The pouring-out of tea,
a drying flower's shadow on the wall
from last week's sad bouquet.
A fact: it isn't summer any more.

Say that December sun
is pitiless, but crystalline
and strikes like a bell.
Say it plays colours like a glockenspiel.
It shows the dust as well,

the elemental sediment
your broom has missed,
and lights each grain of sugar spilled
upon the tabletop, beside
pistachio shells, peel of a clementine.

Slippers and morning papers on the floor,
and wafts of iron heat from rumbling rads,
can this be all? No, look — here comes the cat,
with one ear inside out.
Make much of something small.

Recommended Listening:

gorilla vs. bear 2021 year-end mix
Shüffer - Inoyama Land
Action Line - Dorothy Ashby
The Best Ambient Music of 2021
Winter Playlists For When You're Tired of Holiday Music
Afloat In The Ocean - Lionmilk
Sign up for Flow State, a newsletter that sends one instrumental music recommendation to help you focus every weekday.

Links of the Week:

Rest in peace, Wayne Thiebaud. Thank you for the cake!

“I think of myself as a beginner. Sometimes that's the whole joy.”
-Painter Wayne Thiebaud, who lived till 101
Typeatone (Make music while you write.)
Reflections on a lonely year
Fail before you quit
10 life tips you wish you knew yesterday (My favorite: "Getting angry at people for making mistakes doesn't teach them not to make mistakes. It teaches them to hide their mistakes.")
I want to visit Planet Word, the museum where language comes to life
The Photos of the Year for 2021
"Run your own race, as in: you set certain standards for yourself, and you focus on meeting them. When you meet them, you’re proud of yourself. When you don’t, you urge yourself to try harder. You don’t question your standards based on what anyone else is doing. You don’t look over at someone else’s race and think, I’m doing a bad job because you’re going faster. You just focus on your own pace." -Ava, one of my favorite writers this year
Which productivity method is right for you? Take the test to find out (Mine is Eat The Frog)