Dear Jasmine #10: Watch the grass grow if you have to.

"You only have to be kind enough to yourself to feed your soul whatever it needs."

Art by Jean Peske

Question #10:

Dear Jasmine,

[Do you have] advice for someone who wants to hear something other than “Be Strong.” Feeling exhausted from having to be brave all the time, and a little anxious at this point. None of my attempts are getting me anywhere (professionally, especially). I love my vulnerability, generally (in this case: wearing heart on my sleeve etc.) but now, just in need of some petting on my head (there, there). It is hard for me to share my qualms/worries with my loved ones without them feeling like it is their responsibility to offer me unsolicited advice and perhaps some chiding. Feels like I am missing some of my spark. Not all of it. Just some. Doing the regular self-care and maintenance checks as I do: journalling, meditation, walks (sometimes), water...and downtime. Learning patience but yeah, feeling a bit wan as well. Thanks for listening.
- Many Moons

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Answer #10:

Dear Many Moons,

As I write this response to you, the light is failing outside, a soft shimmer of powder blue is falling upon my city, and a bunch of pigeons are fighting over the last of the bird feed I lay out for them. How is it where you are, when you’re reading this, Many Moons? 

I know you are spent and exhausted, but all I can see is someone who has been doing their best every single day and needs some time to rest. I can see someone who has invested in themselves to be a holistic person. I can see someone who is unafraid of being vulnerable; someone who doesn’t want their loved ones to worry. I can see someone who has been brave and managed their life, emotions, and mental health. That is a lot of work. It is not nothing to do the things that need doing daily. It is a huge something. Rest a bit, little floret. You have all the time in the world to be who you want to be, to see the sights of the farthest ends of the world, and to conquer professional achievements. No matter what anyone says, you have time. 

Your whole life is a gift though it may not seem as such in the world we live in. How can we, as a tiny speck of dust in the universe, have any significance? Here’s a secret: it does not matter. I am not saying this as a quack-a-doodle inspiration offering advice column. I am saying it as someone who genuinely believes that life is meant to be savoured and we are here to enjoy what this planet has to offer, and if we find it in our heart to build something bigger than ourselves. These things take time and they take effort. They also require pause and idle. So, idle away your days, darling. 

While learning to cope with my anxiety at the height of the pandemic, I learnt the technique of deep breathing via an online course. I breathe in, count to three. I breathe out in six counts. I continue doing this until I am better. Every time I feel overwhelmed, I still do this. In this small exercise, sometimes I find a huge act of letting go. Of course, that’s all in my mind, but what is this existence if not an experience provided to us by our own minds? 

Breathe deeply and idle your days away, Many Moons. Not many of us are idling our time. As per current social dictum, we are giving our time (and money) to online content creators in exchange for our peace of mind. Yes, being idle is a gift. It is a treasure that has been capitalised on so much so that we count how long we haven’t been productive, and we give in to the attention economy. We are anxious about doing nothing. I ask you, and everyone: why? 

Take your attention away from everything and give it to the large tree outside your window, the doorknob, the swirling of dust in light, the pigeons, the scissors on your table, or the pothole on the road. There is a profound sense of awareness in these everyday things. It might seem trifle, but it is your own kind of trifle. Stare into space often and long enough. Think of nothing. You won’t lose the planet or us. Everything will still be here when you come back.

People often complain that they don’t have time. We are not infinitely busy. The world demands our attention as it is precious. The Internet, our social circles, our families, and our workplaces — they all want our attention. When they have our attention, they have power over our time, our ideas, and most importantly, our thoughts. Take back your attention from everyone and give it to the small crack on the street or to the boiling of water or to a painting on the wall. Let go of the need to be somewhere or do something. Take back the power everyone else has on you by paying attention to the negative space in our world. There is some beauty in there. 

Will this constitute as wasting your time? No, it won’t. 

If life needs creativity and fortitude, it also needs us to pause and idle. This is how everything works. Not doing anything is an act of great rebellion. It is also an act of self-care. Because you know what? You’re absolutely valuable and gorgeous and interesting even if all you do is watch the grass grow. Your value as a human being doesn’t come from accomplishing the stars and the asteroids. Your value as a human being comes from simply existing. 

I promise you that if you lay down your arms, you will not be loved less, you will not be judged, you will not be left behind. You don’t have to constantly bend backwards. You don’t have to stretch yourself thin. You only have to be kind enough to yourself to feed your soul whatever it needs. Whether it be excitement or idle or routine. Allow yourself to experience your life fully as the grand spectrum that it is. 

Many Moons, you are doing everything in your capacity to live a full life. I know this for a fact and I am in deep admiration of you. I am proud of you for being vulnerable and ambitious at the same time. You have a gorgeous heart and I know you will take care of it. Because you know what? When the Moon in the sky hides from us, we wait for it. When it shows itself to us, we celebrate it. We don’t expect it to do anything else. No matter its shape, we love it all the same. All of us just want one thing from the Moon — we want it to be safe and shining in the night sky. 

There, there, Many Moons.

Be good to yourself. 

Love,
Jasmine

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 Dear Jasmine is a fortnightly column by an anonymous writer. If any of you want to send in questions, please send them to Jasmine here.